Well, let me tell you all that I experienced little mix of insight and shock earlier this week. I was having an undergraduate thesis seminar (not thesis defence), and it affected my mood for almost a whole week. Of course I got useful reviews and chance for improvement. It’s just somehow my effort didn’t come out completely, thus created unexpected output from both my supervisor and examiner. As a result, I felt incapable of doing something that fulfill their expectation. I lost my determination, confidence, and focus. The fire within me had gone.
This week is spent by going to campus regularly, doing old hobbies like bookbinding and playing puzzles, even some more productive activities. Haven’t touch the thesis again, though. Couldn’t do it with this messed up mind. Basically I was just running away.
Fortunately, this Yogi is an intuitive thinker and easily triggered by stimulus of challenge. Today I attended an info session of MGAC (Maybank Go Ahead Challenge). At first I thought it’s business case competition, until I see the videos of previous competitions. My pupils dilated when I watch various challenges provided. More than business case, they have pitching test, courage test, creativity test, reasoning test, teamwork test, and many more. For the first time in this week, I felt like I found something worthy to pursue. At precisely that moment, the fire within me returned. Too simple, huh? Well, I never try to have difficult life by overexposing my feeling. I lost my drive, and thank The Lord I got it back.
I seldom post confession like this in my blog before. Strangely I feel better after writing this. Weaknesses we admit are sign that makes us human.
Happy holiday, because Bandung is celebrating 60 years of AAC (Asia Africa Conference) tomorrow 🙂